Everyone wants to be happy. I've yet to meet any human being who said, "I love feeling weighted down with burdens, unlucky, unblessed, and totally unhappy with my life." Yet, despite happiness being what most people long for above any other human condition, many are very unhappy.
What is happiness? American Heritage defines it as: enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy; characterized by good luck.
Happiness is simply a state of being. It's completely free, it cannot be bought or sold, and is available to all of us, regardless of individual circumstances. Money cannot buy happiness.
Research had taught us that we were all born with a happiness set point. This is a biologically pre-set level of happiness that determines how low, or how high (on the happiness scale) each of us can go. If an unhappy person wins an enormous amount of money playing the lottery, he or she may display an unusually high level of happiness, due to the unique circumstances. However, within a certain period of time, that individual will go back to his "normal" level of happiness, and will again be the unhappy person that he was before winning the lottery. On the other hand, if a very happy person finds himself in a very sad situation-perhaps a serious accident that permanently and severely limits his mobility-after his initial period of grief, he will again return to being the happy person that he was before his accident. This has been shown to have happened to some who became paralyzed. After the initial grieving and time needed to adjust to a different life style, the person who was happy before will be happy again, even with physical limitations.
Lucky for us, there is a way to change our happiness set point. Practicing gratitude has been shown to change the biological structure of our brains. This is accomplished through neuroplasticity. Simply put - our brains have the ability to grow new neurons that physiologically change the structure of our brains.
Becoming a happier person influences not only the present moment, but attracts more good things into our lives. Positive energy attracts more positive energy. Have you noticed how those who appear to have bad luck, and believe they are born to be unlucky, have bad luck that follows them wherever they go? This used to baffle me. Why are some people cursed with this unlucky streak, while others can slip on a pile of dog poo, and find a $100 dollar bill nestled in the center of it?
It's called the law of attraction. We attract the things that we think about. This isn't voodoo, or a pie-in-the-sky belief system. This is reality. Thoughts are energy, just as our emotions, actions, and physical bodies are pure energy. Energy attracts like energy. Sadness attracts more sadness. Happiness attracts more happiness. It's a law of the Universe.
"You don't need to own anything to feel abundant, although if you feel abundant consistently things will almost certainly come to you. Abundance comes only to those who already have it. It sounds almost unfair, but of course it isn't. It is a universal law. Both abundance and scarcity are inner states that manifest as your reality." ~ Eckhart Tolle
Happiness makes humans healthy. It lowers our blood pressure, builds our immunity, helps us to sleep better at night, helps us to handle stress, and just makes our life worth living. On a more spiritual note, happy people are kinder to those around them. Happy people are more loving, more forgiving, and more inclined to naturally give without expecting a reward in return.
This may sound a bit overly simplified, but if the people who inhabit this earth were all happier, there would be far less war, famine, oppression, violence, domestic abuse, and intentional pain caused by the hands of human beings.
But can we truly will ourselves to be happier? The answer is a big, "Yes!" Happiness can be cultivated by practicing gratitude.
What does it mean to practice gratitude? Just like any skill that we hope to improve, gratitude needs to be practiced on a regular basis. Practicing gratitude makes us aware of the many gifts that we have to be thankful for. It forces us to take our thoughts away from our perceived deprivation, and to dwell upon the good things that we do have. It begins to influence the way that we feel. It allows us to have the intention to look for the good, rather than the bad in our lives. It attracts more things to be thankful for. It changes our mindset. It changes our happiness set point. In reality, it can change our life and our health and our future.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie
What do we have to be grateful for? Although they may not appear obvious until we practice noticing these gifts, there are so many things to be grateful for. These include our health, our children, our parents, our friends and family, a roof over our heads, food on our table, nature, animals, sunsets, good food, education, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, intellect, sense of humor, and the list goes on.
Gratitude can be tough for those who are facing recent loss, struggling with depression, illness, financial struggles, or personal circumstances that are difficult or painful. But there is always a reason to be grateful. If you are alive, you can be thankful for another day. We can be thankful for changes that we have made in our lives, or for significant people who have influenced us in positive ways. If we are hard pressed to find something in the present to be grateful for, we can be grateful for something that has happened in our past, or for something that we are looking forward to in our future.
We can be grateful for our trials, knowing that out of fire, comes a diamond.
Practicing gratitude may feel forced or unnatural in the beginning. Do it anyway, even if the things that you are thankful for do not bring up warm and fuzzy feelings. As you keep practicing, it will become easier and more natural.
How to Practice Gratitude:
• Keep a gratitude journal. I think this is the most successful way to cultivate gratitude. The journal can be as simple or as elaborate as you want. A dollar store spiral notebook or a beautiful store bought or homemade journal all work well. Everyday, make a list of all the things that you are grateful for. Be very specific. Small things matter. At the top of the page, write, "I'm grateful for," and then use bullets or numbers to list them on the page. This can be done at bedtime, or anytime that fits your lifestyle or preference. If it's tough to come up with a list, make sure that you find at least five things to write down. Just the act of looking for things to be grateful for, and then writing them down, makes you more aware of the abundance in your life. It's nice to read over the list, and to be reminded of good things that have already happened to us.
In addition to a list, you can pick one thing and write about it, if you'd like to. You can write one paragraph, or two pages. It's up to you.
• Write thank you notes and letters. If someone has done something kind for you, write them a note or a letter, and let them know how you feel. Everyone loves to be appreciated, and a note or letter could brighten someone's day. You can keep a pile of pre-stamped postcards, to make it easier for you to just write a small heartfelt thank you and drop it into the mailbox.
• Take the time to say thank you to others throughout your day. Notice the kindnesses that others do for you, and take the time to thank them for it. It can be as simple as opening a door for you, or as elaborate as cooking you a meal. Show gratitude.
• Say grace, and remember to be thankful for the food that you eat. Don't take your food for granted.
• Practice gratitude in the present moment. This may be difficult in the beginning. As you find gratitude becoming more natural, it will get easier for you to be thankful, in the moment, for the abundance in your life.
•Before you get out of bed in the morning, be mindful of the things that you are grateful for. It may help to look over the list from the day before.
• Be creative. If you're up for it, create a gratitude board or word cloud. The board can have words, drawings, or pictures of any of the things that you're thankful for. Hang it some place where you can easily see it. You can start a gratitude scrapbook, and be as creative as you'd like!
Consider using gratitude beads. Hold a set of beads in your hand, and for every bead that you touch, recite another thing that you are grateful for.
I like the idea of a gratitude jar. Find an empty jar or vase. Everyday, for each thing on your list, drop one marble into the jar. (You can also use stones, sea shells, or beads.) Seeing the jar fill up can be a reminder of how your gratitude is growing, and of all of the things that you have to be thankful for.
• Commit to practicing gratitude. Commit to beginning and continuing this practice. Make a promise to stick with it for a certain period of time. It may take a while. It also may change your life, in unexpected ways, in a relatively short period of time. Don't be hard on yourself. If you have been unhappy for a long time, it may take practice to have gratitude come naturally. Stick with it. Try different ways to incorporate gratitude into your day-to-day life, until you are more naturally aware of the good things that surround you. The more you practice, the easier it will get. As time goes by, your commitment will pay off with an increased level of happiness and well-being. More good will come to you by the energy that comes from your thoughts and your feelings. You'll find so much more to be thankful for.
"You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
Carolyn Zeltner is a Certified Health Coach, and is also board certified as a Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners (AADP). She has her BA in psychology, and is completely fascinated by human behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. She works with those who want to be happier and healthier, and who are ready and willing to make changes to their diets and lifestyles to achieve their goals. She helps her clients to figure out diet and lifestyle changes that fit their unique circumstances, and then helps them to incorporate these changes in a doable, creative, and tasty way.
Her website and blog can be found at www.happyhomosapien.com. Those interested in a free health consultation can contact her via her website. Carolyn works with her clients through phone sessions and email contact. Providing quality counselling articles, hynotherapy writings and other mind help resources online.
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